Three years after Debitus ordered Calculus to cook the books, he is no longer emperor of Rome. He was immediately overthrown by one Titus Flavius Sabinus Vespasianus [Ed. In December 69 AD]. The new emperor is known to modern historians as Vespasian.
Wikipedia has this to say about him: "Little factual information survives about Vespasian's government during the ten years he was emperor. His reign is best known for financial reforms following the demise of the Julio-Claudian dynasty, the successful campaign against Judaea, and several ambitious construction projects such as the Colosseum."
What historians don't know - but readers of this apocryphal story can quickly surmise - is that Vespasian was the younger brother of none other than our Fat Flavius, the greedy merchant and financier. Obviously, once the ball got rolling on those "financial reforms" the Flavian gang had no more use for the slow-witted Debitus, so they simply got rid of him. Rumor has it that instead of being assassinated by his own Praetorian guard - the usual method of imperial succession - he was allowed to retire in a large estate located in North Africa. He died there a few years later from excessive drinking, forgotten by everyone - history included.
On the other hand, Calculus is still head of accounts down at the Treasury, though only nominally. All day-to-day affairs are handled by Ursatalus, the young and ambitious bearded official who has risen fast under the Greek's tutelage and is now his deputy. This leaves Calculus plenty of time for other activities, for he is - curiously - still a very busy man.
They are wide of the mark. The foxy Greek owns a great many businesses that supply everything from sand, stone, timber and rope, to fine marble and sculptures. He bought them on the cheap exactly three years ago and was smart going about it: knowing that Fat Flavius would seek to profit outrageously from building the amphitheater, he only purchased small, obscure businesses that no one was interested in. Everything was done quickly and quietly through nominee and dummy owners set up in Alexandria, Naples, Marseilles and Syracuse [Ed.: old Greek colonies] - none in Rome itself. Calculus' name appears nowhere, not even in the accounts he opened with two merchant bankers in Rhodes.
When put together, however, his collection of modest companies is currently supplying at least 10% of everything that is going into the Colosseum - for this is what Romans are already calling it. Calculus is quietly and slowly becoming a very rich man on this small portion of the pie, letting the big dogs fight it out over the larger part. By design, then, his commercial activities are too small to provoke any interest. In addition, he is still going about his life exactly as before, down to frequently getting his bread from the plebes' dole.
The same cannot be said of Ursatalus. After being appointed as Calculus' deputy, he started putting on airs. First, he moved to a small but sumptuous villa on Palatine Hill bought by borrowing heavily from Flavius, who was more than happy to provide a low-interest loan and have him under his thumb. He also keeps a chariot and a team of four beautiful stallions which he frequently enters -and bets heavily on - at the races held in Circus Maximus. Not being familiar with racehorses he mostly loses and Flavius covers him there, too.
Understandably, Ursatalus more than compensates by letting the merchants and bankers run wild with their demands on the Imperial Treasury. Their most outrageous ruse is to present the Treasury with heavily shaved gold coins and to receive whole ones in exchange. Ursatalus has the deficient aurei melted down and mints new, full-weight ones, adding the missing gold from the Treasury's reserves. But the most common trick is for the Treasury to borrow money at 6% per annum, while at the same time lending out funds at 3%, usually to the very same bankers who lend it the money in the first place. The Flavian Gang is making a mint, literally.
Calculus is well aware of what is going on but is wise enough to keep quiet. The Flavians, from the Emperor on down, are entirely ruthless and amoral. Slicing his throat would be no different from casually wringing a chicken's neck for dinner. The once proud and powerful Senate has long ceased to function as a counterweight to balance the Emperors' absolute powers and, though all edicts still bear the vaunted SPQR* signature, everyone knows it's just for show.
Calculus is also silent about the Imperial accounts, as maintained by Ursatalus. They keep showing constant and robust economic activity for the empire. Every time the Treasury borrows heavily to pay for the Colosseum and associated projects, "growth" is shown to be taking place. Added with all other frauds perpetrated by the Flavian Gang, it has gotten to the point where every year total debt - public and private - is increasing four or five times faster than the economy. Where is all the extra money going? In the Gang's pockets, of course.
This lucrative smoke and mirrors was Calculus' greatest "financial reform", three years ago. He changed the rules so that Treasury bookkeepers no longer had to subtract new debt from gross Imperial income to arrive at a net figure. Instead, he devised a system of accounting such that liabilities and assets (usually entirely fictional) appear in separate columns, as do debits and credits [Ed. Double-entry accounting was "re-discovered" over 1,400 years later by one Luca Pacioli, an Italian mathematician]. In that way, accounts can be swollen and fudged at will, never having to touch base with reality.
In a wicked way, Calculus is very proud of his creation and does not much care for what happens to Rome anymore. He has decided it is time to retire - to Rhodes, as we already know. He has notified Ursatalus that he will recommend him as his successor to Emperor Vespasian - a joke, of course, since the Flavians would have no one else, anyway. Ursatalus is salivating at the extra income, fool that he is.
At his last audition with the emperor, Calculus bows and scrapes a bit more than usual, feints a bit of gout and rheumatism and laments his old age. He politely expresses his fervent wish to see his homeland once again before Death takes him - soon now, he tells the emperor.
"Tempus fugit, my lord" he shakes his head, "and for us mortals Atropos*** always cuts our thread of life with her shears much sooner than we wish. I beg of you to allow me to retire in peace in the island of Rhodes, away from my duties in Rome. Young Ursatalus is doing famously, as you know, so what few talents I still possess won't be missed."
It's not necessary to recount the entire conversation here - one can easily imagine it. Fast, perfunctory and totally without emotion. Calculus is out of the Palace in less than fifteen minutes: a shamefully short time for a lifetime of devoted work. Yet the Greek is elated. Freed at last from his daily grind, which had only gotten worse in the last three years, he does not even await for the Senate's official bestowal of his recognition as Creativus. His few belongings already packed, within the hour he is on the Via Ostiensis leading to the Port of Ostia and a waiting ship.
There is another minor detail: upon his arrival in Rhodes his ship passed under The Colossus, the giant statue of Apollo that straddled the entrance of the harbor. A faint smile crossed Calculus' face as he looked up.
A few days later he secretly paid one hundred aurei - a very considerable sum - to have the following graffito chiseled upon Colossus, the deed covered by darkness of night. It was placed directly under the god's groin and in small letters it said:
Calculus made sure that "nunc" was in italics. Like most educated foreigners, the Greek's knowledge of Latin was perfect - more than nearly every native speaker's.
_____________________________________________
*SPQR- Senatus Populusque Romanus: (In the name of) The Senate and People of Rome.
**Tempus Fugit: Time flies.
***Atropos: The third and oldest of the Fates.
Note: Real GDP will conclude with a follow-up technical post, based on my idea that we should subtract debt increases from nominal GDP growth. Sorry, no toga party.
Wikipedia has this to say about him: "Little factual information survives about Vespasian's government during the ten years he was emperor. His reign is best known for financial reforms following the demise of the Julio-Claudian dynasty, the successful campaign against Judaea, and several ambitious construction projects such as the Colosseum."
What historians don't know - but readers of this apocryphal story can quickly surmise - is that Vespasian was the younger brother of none other than our Fat Flavius, the greedy merchant and financier. Obviously, once the ball got rolling on those "financial reforms" the Flavian gang had no more use for the slow-witted Debitus, so they simply got rid of him. Rumor has it that instead of being assassinated by his own Praetorian guard - the usual method of imperial succession - he was allowed to retire in a large estate located in North Africa. He died there a few years later from excessive drinking, forgotten by everyone - history included.
On the other hand, Calculus is still head of accounts down at the Treasury, though only nominally. All day-to-day affairs are handled by Ursatalus, the young and ambitious bearded official who has risen fast under the Greek's tutelage and is now his deputy. This leaves Calculus plenty of time for other activities, for he is - curiously - still a very busy man.
Various businessmen come and go to his office all day long: timber and stone merchants, lime and cement providers, agents for sculptors and painters. He tells everyone that in this way he keeps a sharp eye on the economy, and controls building costs for the Flavian Amphitheater, which in now rising smartly. Interestingly, he never meets with bankers leaving them instead to deal with Ursatalus. No one can prove it, but those in the know say that Calculus' sudden interest in commodities is because he owns a couple of small quarries or gravel pits that provide a bit of material to the building contractors.
They are wide of the mark. The foxy Greek owns a great many businesses that supply everything from sand, stone, timber and rope, to fine marble and sculptures. He bought them on the cheap exactly three years ago and was smart going about it: knowing that Fat Flavius would seek to profit outrageously from building the amphitheater, he only purchased small, obscure businesses that no one was interested in. Everything was done quickly and quietly through nominee and dummy owners set up in Alexandria, Naples, Marseilles and Syracuse [Ed.: old Greek colonies] - none in Rome itself. Calculus' name appears nowhere, not even in the accounts he opened with two merchant bankers in Rhodes.
When put together, however, his collection of modest companies is currently supplying at least 10% of everything that is going into the Colosseum - for this is what Romans are already calling it. Calculus is quietly and slowly becoming a very rich man on this small portion of the pie, letting the big dogs fight it out over the larger part. By design, then, his commercial activities are too small to provoke any interest. In addition, he is still going about his life exactly as before, down to frequently getting his bread from the plebes' dole.
The same cannot be said of Ursatalus. After being appointed as Calculus' deputy, he started putting on airs. First, he moved to a small but sumptuous villa on Palatine Hill bought by borrowing heavily from Flavius, who was more than happy to provide a low-interest loan and have him under his thumb. He also keeps a chariot and a team of four beautiful stallions which he frequently enters -and bets heavily on - at the races held in Circus Maximus. Not being familiar with racehorses he mostly loses and Flavius covers him there, too.
Understandably, Ursatalus more than compensates by letting the merchants and bankers run wild with their demands on the Imperial Treasury. Their most outrageous ruse is to present the Treasury with heavily shaved gold coins and to receive whole ones in exchange. Ursatalus has the deficient aurei melted down and mints new, full-weight ones, adding the missing gold from the Treasury's reserves. But the most common trick is for the Treasury to borrow money at 6% per annum, while at the same time lending out funds at 3%, usually to the very same bankers who lend it the money in the first place. The Flavian Gang is making a mint, literally.
Calculus is well aware of what is going on but is wise enough to keep quiet. The Flavians, from the Emperor on down, are entirely ruthless and amoral. Slicing his throat would be no different from casually wringing a chicken's neck for dinner. The once proud and powerful Senate has long ceased to function as a counterweight to balance the Emperors' absolute powers and, though all edicts still bear the vaunted SPQR* signature, everyone knows it's just for show.
Calculus is also silent about the Imperial accounts, as maintained by Ursatalus. They keep showing constant and robust economic activity for the empire. Every time the Treasury borrows heavily to pay for the Colosseum and associated projects, "growth" is shown to be taking place. Added with all other frauds perpetrated by the Flavian Gang, it has gotten to the point where every year total debt - public and private - is increasing four or five times faster than the economy. Where is all the extra money going? In the Gang's pockets, of course.
This lucrative smoke and mirrors was Calculus' greatest "financial reform", three years ago. He changed the rules so that Treasury bookkeepers no longer had to subtract new debt from gross Imperial income to arrive at a net figure. Instead, he devised a system of accounting such that liabilities and assets (usually entirely fictional) appear in separate columns, as do debits and credits [Ed. Double-entry accounting was "re-discovered" over 1,400 years later by one Luca Pacioli, an Italian mathematician]. In that way, accounts can be swollen and fudged at will, never having to touch base with reality.
In a wicked way, Calculus is very proud of his creation and does not much care for what happens to Rome anymore. He has decided it is time to retire - to Rhodes, as we already know. He has notified Ursatalus that he will recommend him as his successor to Emperor Vespasian - a joke, of course, since the Flavians would have no one else, anyway. Ursatalus is salivating at the extra income, fool that he is.
At his last audition with the emperor, Calculus bows and scrapes a bit more than usual, feints a bit of gout and rheumatism and laments his old age. He politely expresses his fervent wish to see his homeland once again before Death takes him - soon now, he tells the emperor.
"Tempus fugit, my lord" he shakes his head, "and for us mortals Atropos*** always cuts our thread of life with her shears much sooner than we wish. I beg of you to allow me to retire in peace in the island of Rhodes, away from my duties in Rome. Young Ursatalus is doing famously, as you know, so what few talents I still possess won't be missed."
It's not necessary to recount the entire conversation here - one can easily imagine it. Fast, perfunctory and totally without emotion. Calculus is out of the Palace in less than fifteen minutes: a shamefully short time for a lifetime of devoted work. Yet the Greek is elated. Freed at last from his daily grind, which had only gotten worse in the last three years, he does not even await for the Senate's official bestowal of his recognition as Creativus. His few belongings already packed, within the hour he is on the Via Ostiensis leading to the Port of Ostia and a waiting ship.
There is another minor detail: upon his arrival in Rhodes his ship passed under The Colossus, the giant statue of Apollo that straddled the entrance of the harbor. A faint smile crossed Calculus' face as he looked up.
A few days later he secretly paid one hundred aurei - a very considerable sum - to have the following graffito chiseled upon Colossus, the deed covered by darkness of night. It was placed directly under the god's groin and in small letters it said:
Timeo Danaos Nunc Dona Ferentes
Calculus made sure that "nunc" was in italics. Like most educated foreigners, the Greek's knowledge of Latin was perfect - more than nearly every native speaker's.
_____________________________________________
*SPQR- Senatus Populusque Romanus: (In the name of) The Senate and People of Rome.
**Tempus Fugit: Time flies.
***Atropos: The third and oldest of the Fates.
Note: Real GDP will conclude with a follow-up technical post, based on my idea that we should subtract debt increases from nominal GDP growth. Sorry, no toga party.
Wow. A highly imaginative and education series. Keep up the great writing. :)
ReplyDeleteHi! We love your blog, and it's even got a mention in our new book, The Gods that Failed (by Larry Elliott and Dan Atkinson, p.205). We've added you to our blogroll so that people can find you easily (www.thegodsthatfailed.co.uk). Looking forward to reading your future posts.
ReplyDeleteFantastic!! Your writing is so imaginative...great work!!
ReplyDeletegreat as usual.
ReplyDeleteOT- I read in an article that Thorium can be used as nuc. reactor fuel and that there is a thousand year supply of it. Do you
know anything about this?
Thanks
Hellacious:
ReplyDeleteI've been saying we should subtract debt increases from GDP for 28 years. Welcome aboard.
"Every time the Treasury borrows heavily to pay for the Colosseum and associated projects, "growth" is shown to be taking place."
ReplyDeleteAh yes the "rise" in GDP corresponds to the rise in budget deficits (Fed this year expected to be $1 trillion?)and this ain't no "sudden debt", the trend lines (http://mwhodges.home.att.
net/nat-debt/debt-nat.htm) are long and steep.
"Ursatalus has the deficient aurei melted down and mints new, full-weight ones, adding the missing gold from the Treasury's reserves"
ReplyDeleteThe public's too confused to realize what's being stolen from them. Clever little snakes.
Ind.Acct.-
"I've been saying we should subtract debt increases from GDP for 28 years. Welcome aboard"
Have you run the corrected GDP numbers? I'd be curious.
News from WA state:
The county assessor sent out annual notices. They said my house was worth 17k less than last year. HOW RUDE!!
Awesome !! You have even managed to include commodities investments.
ReplyDeleteNow the only thing missing are the women....you know those people who populate more than 50% of the world, but not seen anywhere near your short piece. I must admit that the story is colorful even without them :)
Very nice pieces!
ReplyDeleteThe idea to subtract new debt issued from the current GDP is very nice. If you can subtract a net present value (including future interests) the debt economy scam is even more evident.
If you make charts that would be great, but also please the links to the data sources, I'd like to play a bit by myself.
BTW: being a Rome resident, I appreciate even more your history-fiction posts. I happen to see most of those places live whenever I happen to go down-town :)
That was brilliant. All MBA and economics students should be rigorously taught the meaning of your story. The world would be a better place.
ReplyDeleteOne quick deus ex machina later and you might even be writing about more recent events !
ReplyDeleteSalve Hellasios,
ReplyDeleteEt, non Nunc
nunc = now !
Calculos dicit: Marmoream se relinquere, quam latericiam accepisset
Your suggestion to subtract debt from nominal GDP is appealing, but I'm not sure that it's really necessary. An increase in economic output should be measured accordingly, whether or not it is financed by debt - that is indeed "real" GDP. But if economic growth comes at the expense of debt, then as a nation we should be cautious, in the same way we would be wary of a corporation that has a highly leveraged expansion.
ReplyDeleteThis simply implies that headline numbers should be interpreted and communicated in a more considered fashion. But I don't think that the measurement of GDP is "wrong" per se.
RE: the spam in blogs
ReplyDeleteLooks like chinese spammers are getting more aggressive.
I started receiving a lot of email spam in the last few months offering direct sale of chinese goods.
Maybe somebody is not doing well any more over there?
Salve et gracia j.,
ReplyDeletere: nunc vs. et
In the original "..et dona ferentes..." the precise translation is: Beware of Greeks EVEN IF they bring gifts.
In Calculus' version "..nunc dona ferentes.." the translation is: Beware of Greeks NOW THAT they bring gifts. That's why he put "nunc" in italics.
ah... I was in Rhodes last year, so I had some time to read its history.
ReplyDeleteThe colossus went down well before the roman imperial age; in fact it just stood 60 years before an earthquake grounded it.
Pliunius the elder witnessed: "Even grounded, it's a marvel"...
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la zona modelos -
leia loves you -
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love your tits -
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luv alicia -
luv nikki -
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matts models -
meat my ass -
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megan qt -
mega summers -
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my wife ashley -
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peachez 18 -
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pictures of dudes -
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pure dee -
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rock star pixies -
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selena luv -
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serenity love -
sexxxy celeste -
sexy sindy -
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share my cock -
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shy black teens -
sierra love -
simon scans -
sky modeling -
sleeping tushy -
slutty gal pals -
smokin hottie -
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spice twins -
spoiled virgins -
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strapon lesbians -
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stuffed petite -
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stunning serena -
suki model -
summer banks -
summer party time -
suzy stevens -
sweet adri -
sweet apples -
sweet danni -
sweet kacey -
sweet kara -
sweet krissy -
sweet leah luv -
sweet models -
sweet n soft -
sweet russian girls -
sweet vids -
tailynn -
taras cam -
taryn thomas -
taste of uk -
teenage depot -
teen charms -
teen kara -
teen stars magazine -
tere 19 -
throated -
tiffany teen -
tiny gwen -
total super cuties -
toy desire -
toy stuffers -
trailer park tiffany -
trinitys toybox -
trista stevens -
trixie storm -
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vicky vane -
victoria holyns -
victoria pink -
view pornstars -
vika dreams -
virtual bjs -
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why be dressed -
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wow wendy -
x crib -
x gape -
x lez -
x movies -
you love lucy -
young and banged -
young cum gulpers -
young models casting -
zexy teens -
she got pimped -
1by day -
18 virgin sex -
702 daisy -
1000 facials -
abigail 18 -
abrianna -
action girls -
adorable allie -
alexa model -
alexis virgin -
alicia rhodes -
all ashlee -
allison virgin -
all over lexi -
all ruth -
amateur facials -
amateur galore -
amazing ty -
amber kelly -
amy amy amy -
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angelina virgin -
anna 19 -
ann angel -
annas assets -
anna virgin -
ashlee and serena -
ashley brookes -
asian suck dolls -
ass like whoa -
ass terdam -
aubrey addams -
aunt judys -
bad tushy -
beautiful bri -
beckys love -
bella spice -
big blowjob chicks -
big older women -
big wet butts -
bikini voyeur -
blazing vids -
blonde passions -
brandy jacobs -
brandys box -
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casey parker -
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