Reeling from zooming fuel prices, more airlines have just announced they will charge $15 for the first piece of checked luggage. Some are even starting to charge $2 for water and soft drinks. But why stop there? Here are some alternatives for the post-peak world.
- Waste-The-Waist fares. Anyone over 100 lbs. gets charged $1/lb extra.
- Deals-For-Meals. Planes will only carry one quarter of the meals and drinks required to serve all passengers. Attendants will then proceed to auction them off to the highest bidders. Should work particularly well on long international flights.
- No Fee, No Wee. Equip all lavatories with coin-operated doors.
- Gone With The Wind service. In a throwback to the proud clipper-ship era, airplanes won't take off for their destinations until winds are favorable. Prompt service also available at triple the price.
- Lucky Lindy staffing levels at the flight deck. All planes flown by a single pilot.
- Haste Makes Waste code-share flights. Actually performed by Amtrak trains.
- No Demo, No Problemo. Planes will fly without those "life jackets are located under your seats". No heavy life-rafts and door-slides, either.
- Slaver Layer load factors. See picture below.